I performed my first real act of disipline with Dallas this week. He forgot to check in with me and then didn't answer or return my phone calls, so I decided some sort of disipline was in order.
I haven't had to disipline in a long, long time. Hmmm...I couldn't figure out the appropriate thing to do. Then it hit me. This kid is plugged in 24/7. It drives me crazy. His phone is ringing or beeping with a text message constantly so I took his phone away from him. You would have thought I shot his dog. (his dad's favorite saying) He had no idea what to do with himself at first without that damn phone. I found myself feeling sorry for him and guilty. (see previous post) Guess what? He actually played outside, rode his bike and went golfing. Imagine that! He did all of those things without a phone! Miracle!
And, the biggest miracle of all? He's still talking to me!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Guilty Pleasures Anyone?
My number one guilty pleasure??? Giving myself a day off from feeling guility!
Am I the only parent that suffers from a ridiculous amount of guilt? I felt guilty that my children had a terrible father, guilty that I divorced my second husband and left my children fatherless, again. Guilty that I spent too much time at work, guilty when I stayed home from work with my children, guilty over giving them too much, guilty over not giving them enough, guilty, guilty, guilty. Geez!!!
Now I am feeling guilty towards my two children because I am raising my stepson!! I know I am a much better parent to my stepson than I was to my own children. I am older, more patient and spend much more time at home than I did when my children were teenagers. I feel guilty that my stepson is getting a better version of me as a mom than my own children had! I even took my son to dinner and apologized for this all while sobbing into a napkin!
Why are we so hard on ourselves as parents? I guess I am still afraid of screwing them up. I'm afraid they are going to resent the time I spend with Dallas and think I am shorting them somehow. I have a reoccuring nightmare where both of my children sit me down and ask me why I wasn't as good a mother to them as I am being to Dallas.
Tonight I think I will indulge myself with a guilty pleasure and give myself the night off from feeling so damned guilty! It's exhausting!
Am I the only parent that suffers from a ridiculous amount of guilt? I felt guilty that my children had a terrible father, guilty that I divorced my second husband and left my children fatherless, again. Guilty that I spent too much time at work, guilty when I stayed home from work with my children, guilty over giving them too much, guilty over not giving them enough, guilty, guilty, guilty. Geez!!!
Now I am feeling guilty towards my two children because I am raising my stepson!! I know I am a much better parent to my stepson than I was to my own children. I am older, more patient and spend much more time at home than I did when my children were teenagers. I feel guilty that my stepson is getting a better version of me as a mom than my own children had! I even took my son to dinner and apologized for this all while sobbing into a napkin!
Why are we so hard on ourselves as parents? I guess I am still afraid of screwing them up. I'm afraid they are going to resent the time I spend with Dallas and think I am shorting them somehow. I have a reoccuring nightmare where both of my children sit me down and ask me why I wasn't as good a mother to them as I am being to Dallas.
Tonight I think I will indulge myself with a guilty pleasure and give myself the night off from feeling so damned guilty! It's exhausting!
"I" vs "WE"
Okay, this is my first attempt at blogging. I am not a writer, (that is my sisters job) Check out her very clever blog at http://www.menopausemusing.com/
I am just an ordinary 47 year old woman with two grown children. Nicole is 26 and Zach is 23. Two years ago I remarried for the third time (yes, I said third) I was single for almost 10 years before I remarried. I have been in the employee benefit business for the past 26 years. The last 17 of those I have spent at a small independent agency and actually became a partner five years ago. I have always been pretty independent and since my children have been out of the house, I am use to being alone.
My husband, Chris had a 12 year old boy when we married. Chris works for the government and travels A LOT. We saw his son, (Dallas) on a regular basis. Dallas is a great kid. I enjoyed our time with him but was always thankful that his mom and her husband had him on a full-time basis. They just lived across town from us so we could see Dallas anytime. I had no desire to raise another child and Chris knew this. We discussed it at length before we married. Besides, I felt lucky to have raised my own two without totally screwing them up for good.
Fast forward two years. Chris and I are living at a little private lake community 10 minutes outside of Amarillo with our needy Golden retriever, Tobey and little minature dachsund, Mabel. Life is good. Chris travels too much but when he is gone I can do whatever, whenever I want. We see Dallas on a regular basis. He comes down and golfs, or wakeboards or just hangs out. It's the perfect arrangement in my opinion. We get to enjoy time with Dallas and then he goes home!!
Seven months or so ago Dallas' stepdad lost his job and took a job in Ft. Worth. My husband was crushed. He could not imagine his life without his child around on a regular basis. I was crushed for him. Then one night he asks what I think of telling Dallas he can stay here instead of moving. All I can think is WTF??? I knew when I married that if something were to ever happen to Dallas' mother, we would take him in but this scenario of her moving out of town had never crossed my mind. Did Chris not remember our lengthy pre-marital conversation on this very subject? I felt like I was caught in a Catch 22. If I said NO, then my husband would resent me. If I said yes, then "I" would be raising a 14 year old boy!! Not just any 14 year old boy but one who has a dad that is on the road 50% of the time? Had he lost his mind? Didn't he know that "I" enjoy my alone time? Didn't he know that "I" like coming home and doing whatever "I" want? Didn't he know that "I" liked being an empty nester?
The problem with my thinking was that I was thinking "I", "I", "I". If I remember correctly, "I" became a "WE" two years earlier. My husband wasn't an empty nester and that meant "I" was no longer an empty nester either. In the end, "We" did the only thing "we" could do.
Dallas moved in with us two months ago. It's been a challenge. It's a huge adjustment for all of us. Some days are so easy and others are torture. Torture days are what I refer to as my "WTF days". I'm finding that most days include a little of both.
Today definately started out as a "WTF day". Oh well, there's always tomorrow and I am confidant that "We" will get through it.
I am just an ordinary 47 year old woman with two grown children. Nicole is 26 and Zach is 23. Two years ago I remarried for the third time (yes, I said third) I was single for almost 10 years before I remarried. I have been in the employee benefit business for the past 26 years. The last 17 of those I have spent at a small independent agency and actually became a partner five years ago. I have always been pretty independent and since my children have been out of the house, I am use to being alone.
My husband, Chris had a 12 year old boy when we married. Chris works for the government and travels A LOT. We saw his son, (Dallas) on a regular basis. Dallas is a great kid. I enjoyed our time with him but was always thankful that his mom and her husband had him on a full-time basis. They just lived across town from us so we could see Dallas anytime. I had no desire to raise another child and Chris knew this. We discussed it at length before we married. Besides, I felt lucky to have raised my own two without totally screwing them up for good.
Fast forward two years. Chris and I are living at a little private lake community 10 minutes outside of Amarillo with our needy Golden retriever, Tobey and little minature dachsund, Mabel. Life is good. Chris travels too much but when he is gone I can do whatever, whenever I want. We see Dallas on a regular basis. He comes down and golfs, or wakeboards or just hangs out. It's the perfect arrangement in my opinion. We get to enjoy time with Dallas and then he goes home!!
Seven months or so ago Dallas' stepdad lost his job and took a job in Ft. Worth. My husband was crushed. He could not imagine his life without his child around on a regular basis. I was crushed for him. Then one night he asks what I think of telling Dallas he can stay here instead of moving. All I can think is WTF??? I knew when I married that if something were to ever happen to Dallas' mother, we would take him in but this scenario of her moving out of town had never crossed my mind. Did Chris not remember our lengthy pre-marital conversation on this very subject? I felt like I was caught in a Catch 22. If I said NO, then my husband would resent me. If I said yes, then "I" would be raising a 14 year old boy!! Not just any 14 year old boy but one who has a dad that is on the road 50% of the time? Had he lost his mind? Didn't he know that "I" enjoy my alone time? Didn't he know that "I" like coming home and doing whatever "I" want? Didn't he know that "I" liked being an empty nester?
The problem with my thinking was that I was thinking "I", "I", "I". If I remember correctly, "I" became a "WE" two years earlier. My husband wasn't an empty nester and that meant "I" was no longer an empty nester either. In the end, "We" did the only thing "we" could do.
Dallas moved in with us two months ago. It's been a challenge. It's a huge adjustment for all of us. Some days are so easy and others are torture. Torture days are what I refer to as my "WTF days". I'm finding that most days include a little of both.
Today definately started out as a "WTF day". Oh well, there's always tomorrow and I am confidant that "We" will get through it.
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