Sunday, August 30, 2009

Guilty Pleasures Anyone?

My number one guilty pleasure??? Giving myself a day off from feeling guility!

Am I the only parent that suffers from a ridiculous amount of guilt? I felt guilty that my children had a terrible father, guilty that I divorced my second husband and left my children fatherless, again. Guilty that I spent too much time at work, guilty when I stayed home from work with my children, guilty over giving them too much, guilty over not giving them enough, guilty, guilty, guilty. Geez!!!



Now I am feeling guilty towards my two children because I am raising my stepson!! I know I am a much better parent to my stepson than I was to my own children. I am older, more patient and spend much more time at home than I did when my children were teenagers. I feel guilty that my stepson is getting a better version of me as a mom than my own children had! I even took my son to dinner and apologized for this all while sobbing into a napkin!

Why are we so hard on ourselves as parents? I guess I am still afraid of screwing them up. I'm afraid they are going to resent the time I spend with Dallas and think I am shorting them somehow. I have a reoccuring nightmare where both of my children sit me down and ask me why I wasn't as good a mother to them as I am being to Dallas.

Tonight I think I will indulge myself with a guilty pleasure and give myself the night off from feeling so damned guilty! It's exhausting!

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