"I" vs "WE"

Okay, this is my first attempt at blogging. I am not a writer, (that is my sisters job) Check out her very clever blog at http://www.menopausemusing.com/


I am just an ordinary 47 year old woman with two grown children. Nicole is 26 and Zach is 23. Two years ago I remarried for the third time (yes, I said third) I was single for almost 10 years before I remarried. I have been in the employee benefit business for the past 26 years. The last 17 of those I have spent at a small independent agency and actually became a partner five years ago. I have always been pretty independent and since my children have been out of the house, I am use to being alone.

My husband, Chris had a 12 year old boy when we married. Chris works for the government and travels A LOT. We saw his son, (Dallas) on a regular basis. Dallas is a great kid. I enjoyed our time with him but was always thankful that his mom and her husband had him on a full-time basis. They just lived across town from us so we could see Dallas anytime. I had no desire to raise another child and Chris knew this. We discussed it at length before we married. Besides, I felt lucky to have raised my own two without totally screwing them up for good.


Fast forward two years. Chris and I are living at a little private lake community 10 minutes outside of Amarillo with our needy Golden retriever, Tobey and little minature dachsund, Mabel. Life is good. Chris travels too much but when he is gone I can do whatever, whenever I want. We see Dallas on a regular basis. He comes down and golfs, or wakeboards or just hangs out. It's the perfect arrangement in my opinion. We get to enjoy time with Dallas and then he goes home!!


Seven months or so ago Dallas' stepdad lost his job and took a job in Ft. Worth. My husband was crushed. He could not imagine his life without his child around on a regular basis. I was crushed for him. Then one night he asks what I think of telling Dallas he can stay here instead of moving. All I can think is WTF??? I knew when I married that if something were to ever happen to Dallas' mother, we would take him in but this scenario of her moving out of town had never crossed my mind. Did Chris not remember our lengthy pre-marital conversation on this very subject? I felt like I was caught in a Catch 22. If I said NO, then my husband would resent me. If I said yes, then "I" would be raising a 14 year old boy!! Not just any 14 year old boy but one who has a dad that is on the road 50% of the time? Had he lost his mind? Didn't he know that "I" enjoy my alone time? Didn't he know that "I" like coming home and doing whatever "I" want? Didn't he know that "I" liked being an empty nester?

The problem with my thinking was that I was thinking "I", "I", "I". If I remember correctly, "I" became a "WE" two years earlier. My husband wasn't an empty nester and that meant "I" was no longer an empty nester either. In the end, "We" did the only thing "we" could do.

Dallas moved in with us two months ago. It's been a challenge. It's a huge adjustment for all of us. Some days are so easy and others are torture. Torture days are what I refer to as my "WTF days". I'm finding that most days include a little of both.

Today definately started out as a "WTF day". Oh well, there's always tomorrow and I am confidant that "We" will get through it.