What kind of woman are you?

I was single for 10 years before marrying Chris and during that time, I met and hung out with a lot of single moms. Most of them fell into one of two categories.

Category #1 women had ex-husbands that were jerks who didn't pay child support and didn't see their children on a regular basis. These women let them get away with this bad behavior. All these women hoped and prayed that one day the jerk would wake up and take an active role in their childs life. Couldn't he see how wonderful these children were and how much he was missing out on? They watched their children cry themselves to sleep at night because the jerk wouldn't call the child or promised he would pick them up and spend time with them and then left them standing on the porch suitcase in hand wondering where their daddy was. These women overcompensated for the jerk by doing too much for thier children because they felt so bad that they didn't have a "good " father. Most of these women desperately needed child support but never made the "father" pay.


Category #2. women had ex-husbands who paid child support and saw their children as much as they possibly could. This category #2 ex-husband begged for more time with his child and category #2 woman denied it over and over because it wasn't set out in the divorce papers. This woman took her ex back to court if she thought he got a $.25 per hour raise. This woman wanted to make her exes life as miserable as possible, regardless of how it affected her children.


I realize that not ALL women fall into Category #1 or #2, but most of the women I met did. I was a Category #1 woman. My childrens "father" was no father at all. My brother in law once told me my ex was a terrible husband and a worse father. I hated hearing that. I wanted to defend him but couldn't. I think I wanted to defend him because I desperately wanted those words to not be true for my children....his children.

I never understood the Category #2 woman. I envied her. Why couldn't she see how lucky she was, how lucky her children were, that their daddy was a good daddy?? Was it more important to her to punish her ex than to promote his relationship with his children?


My husbands ex-wife is not a category #1 or #2 woman. She is one of those rare women that parents with her ex-husband. She puts the needs of her child above any animosity she might have for her childs father. (although, I don't believe she feels any towards him) She never took him back to court for more child support. If she needed more money, she called and asked for it and he gave it to her. If she needed his help, she called and asked. If he wanted to spend time with his child outside of the "court ordered time" he asked and she always agreed.


We should all take a lesson from these two people that once thought they loved each other and when they decided they couldn't be together any longer, remembered that the love they once shared had produced a child and out of their love and responsibility for that child they put their differences aside and did (and still do) what is in that childs best interest.


Thank you "K" for not being a #2 kind of woman and thank you Chris for not putting her in the position of being a #1.